Escape From Douchery, Part 6: Siegfried and Roy's Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat

Alright, don't laugh.

I know what you're thinking: how can a place endorsed by super-campy German magicians possibly be-non douchey? Especially when that place is called a "Secret Garden?"

I'll tell you why: because it's a place where you can drink cheap, giant beers and chill with dolphins.

Siegfried and Roy's Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat at The Mirage is ostensibly a family-friendly attraction, designed as a place to take the kiddies on a lazy afternoon before dinner. But (as is the case with most Vegas-family attractions), the place has a full bar that serves massive beers... at better prices than most casino bars. If their policies haven't changed since my last visit, you can get refills of said massive beers for even cheaper.

The "Secret Garden" features a menagerie of big cats, with white tigers, panthers, white lions, and leopards hanging out in habitats in habitats designed to resemble their natural environments. While zoos featuring caged beasts can be a bummer (as Dr. Alan Grant once said, a T-Rex doesn't want to be fed in a cage, it "wants ot hunt,"), these are endangered animals that are well taken care of.

Then there's the dolphin habitat, which is basically a giant pool with real dolphins swimming around in it. Maybe the guy in "The Cove" is right and I'm just a sucker for the way we've portrayed the animals in "Flipper," but dolphins are totally awesome. Keeping these super-smart creatures in captivity does create moral conflicts that are hard for me to resolve, at least until I see one of them surface and look at me with its intelligent eyes... damn, those are awesome creatures. And I get to hang out with them while I drink cheap beer?

Tickets are $12 to enter SARSGADH, but just think of it as a (low for Vegas) cover charge to enter a club... but instead of dumb drunk girls (who aren't gonna let you make out with them anyway) and Jersey-Shore reject frat boys dancing to awful Black Eyed Peas tunes played a volumes loud enough to make you too stupid to realize how awful the songs truly are, you get dolphins and white tigers. That's a pretty good deal, in my book.