Escape from Douchebaggery, Part 35: Park on Fremont

I return to my blog to find it dusty and cobwebbed, but I'm back, for now, to turn you on to some brand new hotness in Las Vegas. And where else would the the coolest new bar in Sin City open but in the increasingly awesome Fremont East District, where Insert Coins, Commonwealth, Backstage Bar and Billiards, The Griffin, The Downtown Cocktail Room, The Beat Coffeehouse, .. you get the idea. It's an awesome neighborhood.

The newest spot to eat quirky food and get drunk on crafty cocktails and beers, Park on Fremont, stands out from the other hipster bars, unique restaurants, and coffee shops in the area through pure whimsy and color. Approach the front of the place and dig the rustic wooden vibe on the front patio, then step inside and admire the patterned wall papers, wildlife paintings, iron door knockers, Victorian Chandeliers, (fake, I think) stuffed animal heads and birds, quirky neon signs, exposed brick walls, and comfy booths. But where this gastropub truly steps up into the world of awesome is on its back patio.

Oh, Park on Fremont's back patio, how I love you. The place takes it name from the fact that back patio is basically a whimsical park, complete with colorfully lush plants, trees covered in Christmas lights, mosaic tile art, an archangel statue, a carriage perched above the roof, a fireplace, board-games, Victorian-ish chairs around picnic tables, and even an iron seesaw. All of these childlike elements are made even more fun by the fact that there are no actual children at the bar (at least at night), and the mini-Central Park meets Alice in Wonderland vibe is helped along considerably by quality tunes.

The food is awesome, if you like delicious yet terrible-for-you fare like stuffed Burgers or the hugely indulgent and incredibly worth it Chicken and Waffle Sandwich. They have a great selection of beers on tap or sold by the bottle (including the increasingly popular Wells' Banana Bread Beer) and refreshing cocktails with names like The Unicorn that fit into the aesthetic and Bloody Mary's made with hard-boiled eggs and bacon served in Mason Jars.

Is this place perfect? Not quite yet, as all brand new places have kinks to work out, obviously, and I've heard a few complaints from locals who have Parked it on Fremont a few times. If you get a table on the patio during a hot Vegas afternoon, try to avoid getting seated near the back corner... the patio leads out into an alleyway where other bars dump their garbage and the smell can be a bit strong in the blazing sun (according to other people who had this experience). And the place does get super busy, which means getting the attention of your server can be a bit a tricky... but do try to cut your harried and frazzled waiter or waitress a little slack as they're still trying to figure things out at a popular and hyped new restaurant and bar in an up and coming neighborhood.

Park on Fremont is a colorful, lush, quirky, whimsical and fun new gastropub that manages to stand out and make some noise with its unique voice in a neighborhood that's becoming increasingly packed with cool local businesses that cater to the smart and connected locals beginning to occupy the area as much as to the tourists that make Las Vegas tick. It might still be going through some growing pains, but even in its earliest inception, the Victorian/ fairy-tale garden vibes of this place really create a magical atmosphere that have convinced me this one place that's sure to live happily ever after.

Escape from Douchebaggery, Part 34: Backstage Bar and Billiards Opens

The Fremont East block in Downtown Las Vegas continues to add idiosyncratic watering holes, eateries, and businesses. In addition to the promising spots opening in the near future as well as the recently birthed and totally awesome Commonwealth, the 'hood now boasts a rock bar meets pool hall meets sports bar hybrid, The Backstage Bar and Billiards (or The Triple B as locals have already taken to calling it).

Owners of the bar include DJs who spun for House of Pain and Limp Bizkit, and while a connection to Fred Durst's vile 90's rap rock atrocity is enough to make anyone wary, they've pulled off something pretty cool here and filled in a niche that the neighborhood sorely needed.

If you're looking to catch some games or shoot some pool, now Downtown has a high quality option for partaking in such dude-friendly activities that's far enough away from The Strip that you'll most likely be able to avoid the frattier elements who will probably stick to the big sports bars in New York New York and The Palazzo. The Triple B also does a great job setting itself apart from the more corporate mega-sports bars because of its rock 'n' roll attitude.

The place has an admirably and intentionally scuzzy partied out rock star vibe to it, helped along greatly by the fact that the bar, the tables, and the stools you sit on are made from re-purposed Anvil Cases, those durable boxes that bands use to haul their gear around the country. The place is decorated with blacklight concert posters that lend the place a very 70's vibe, as well as bookcases stacked with vinyl behind the DJ booth. DJ's are often on hand to spin hard-rock hits for an energetic crowd on the dance floor, and even though one of those DJ's was in the worst band ever in history, he was actually spinning some good stuff when I was there.

Prices aren't too bad, and the beer list is decent, with a few tasty Craft and Imported options available on tap. Their mixed drinks seemed to be a little cheaper than the ones they pour at Commonwealth and The Downtown Cocktail Room, but this is not a fancy-pants craft-Cocktail place so that makes sense (the extra few bucks at those places is worth it for the crazy concoctions that the mixologists put into them).

The other thing that excites me about The Triple B is the live music venue attached to the place set to open sometime next year, The Fremont Country Club. A decadent rock club that promises to offer great acts playing in a space that co-owner Carlos "Big Daddy" Adley described as decked out with "30-foot tall diamond tucked silver lame' walls with chariot wagons in the sky, bejewled merry-go-round ponies on the bar, and horseshow VIP booths elevated six feet in the air." Sounds appropriately over the top (especially for a place co-owned by a dude with the nickname "Big Daddy), but the reason it most excites me is that it's a medium sized venue in Downtown, which means that some good but not MGM Grand or even Cosmopolitan pool level bands can be booked to play there. Vegas could use more cool venues for up and coming yet worthy bands that are not yet (and may never become) superstars to play, and The Fremont Country Club sounds like a great option for that. With bejeweled merry-go round ponies.

Until the place opens, I'm content to shoot some pool and drink some hard beer while watching a football game as good rock songs play at The Triple B. For anyone allergic to sports, there's always Insert Coins down the street (and hang out for a bit, cause I'll probably meet you there when I'm done at The Triple B).
 
But for everyone else, The Triple B and the still in the works Fremont Country Club are bringing a much needed dose of rock 'n' roll attitude to Fremont East. The place is cool enough that I'm almost willing to overlook the fact that one of the co-owners committed nearly unforgivable crimes against music and good taste as a member of Limp Bizkit.

Almost.

The Continued Evolution of Downtown Las Vegas

Apologies for the slightly supremely pretentious title, but sometimes excitement for cool new things is a valid excuse for pretentiousness.Or so I tell myself.

I've spent many, many reams of digital ink typing up my praises to Downtown Las Vegas as the neighborhood continues to grow from an empty lot filled mugging-zone where one would not dare spend time after dark away from the single large street of cheesy low stakes gambling parlors into the vibrant and interesting area filled with unique and cool local businesses its quickly becoming. Places like The Downtown Cocktail Room and The Griffin and events like First Fridays have thrived and encouraged the openings of distinct watering holes like Insert Coins, The Lady Silva,  Bar+Bistro, Artifice, Commonwealth, and resurrected classic Atomic Liquors, as well as hipster brunch spot Eat, quirky museums that illuminate the history of the Mob and Atomic Testing in Las Vegas, the soon to open (and surprisingly cool sounding) Shipping Container Park, coffee/vinyl/zine merchants The Beat Coffeehouse, world class cultural showcase The Smith Center... you get the idea. Basically, I'm trying to say that Downtown is pretty cool.

Clearly, Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh and Downtown Cocktail Room proprietor Michael Cornthwaite's masterplan to convert Downtown Las Vegas into a world-class neighborhood that will attract creative and artistic young people and innovative start-ups (as well as tourists looking for a more off-beat experience than The Strip can offer) to the area is already paying off, and will continue to do so. (Let's just pray that they're not trying to gather all of those people into one Downtown neighborhood in a relatively small city so that they can use their brains to power their brain-powered giant robots. I know this fear is far fetched, but we can't rule it out as a possibility, especially since Hsieh's massive investment of his own money is so generous that some sort of unseen ulterior motive may as yet be revealed.)

Downtown's evolution continues to roll on (to mix metaphors), as list of new businesses and projects are set to debut on or near Fremont Street in the next year or so. Below is a list of just a few #DTV coming attractions I'm most excited about.

The Velveteen Rabbit
Local sisters Pam and Christina Dylag are set to open their dream bar in Downtown as soon as construction finishes, and these crushable alt-chicks have a vision. Named after their favorite children's story, set to serve craft brews and cocktails, and promising to feature an imaginative and whimsical design inspired by its imaginative name (and teased on the bar's Facebook page), the place will most likely become an essential hipster mecca, frequented by Vegan-riding bicycle riders and haunted by food trucks just outside its doors, once it opens officially in 2013.


The Life is Beautiful Festival
No, it's not a weekend devoted to the Oscar-winning Robert Benigni concentration camp set tragi-comedy, but rather a music food and wine festival that promises to bring "arena sized acts" to Downtown in an event that's being organized by a powerful coalition, including the people behind San Francisco's popular answer to Coachella, Outside Lands, the marketing group behind First Fridays, and the guy who served as The Cosmopolitan's music director. Despite the terrible name and even though they have promised "arena-sized" artists, Life is Beautiful has the lot of potential to bring back a full-on music festival that's a little less corporate-driven than iHeart Radio to Las Vegas and features acts a little more interesting and outside-the-box than Lady Gaga or Usher (and which will hopefully be organized in a way that will lead to less diva-like onstage tantrums from mega-selling pop-stars who petulantly insist they're not Justin Bieber).

Bolt Barbers
The irreverent and dude-friendly barbershop, which gained some notoriety by promoting their bad reviews with a "people hate us on Yelp" flag that became so popular that they turned it into book form. Now the cutting-edge hair-cutters are moving to the Shipping Container Park in Las Vegas, in a converted train caboose. Obviously, this place could not be cooler, so get on the crazy train and score yourself a great new cut before you hit the bars on your next Vegas adventure.

Turkey Day in Vegas

Thanksgiving is supposed to a family holiday. But it's also supposed to be a celebration of when our nation stole the land we live on from the natives who lived peacefully and in harmony with the place we now call home. Also, it's a day when Al Roker points at floats of outdated cartoon characters (why is Underdog still included in the Macy's Day Parade every year? Do kids even know who Underdog is?).

Anyway, Thanksgiving is one of those holidays for which you might need a holiday. Your family might get mad at you, but why not avoid the usual questions about when you're getting your life together from your parental units and skip the stressful part altogether with a trip to Las Vegas instead of home? While this idea seems irresponsible, you know that it also seems more than a little bit appealing. And while many places across the country are closed up for Turkey-Day, most of Las Vegas is open for business. So what, if you were to take the audacious plunge and forgo family-time for Sin City, are the best things to do in Las Vegas over Thanksgiving?

I'm thankful that you asked, because it gives me the not so rare opportunity to pontificate on my opinions about how to spend a successful Sin City Turkey-Day.

FOOD
Even if you skip tradition and head to Las Vegas, you'll probably want to enjoy a Turkey dinner somewhere. It just feels downright un-American to not consume the tryptophan-filled bird somewhere, and luckily you'll have many options around town at which to enjoy a good ol' American-style Thanksgiving dinner.

If you want to go all fancy-pants with your dinner, Le Cirque at Bellagio is offering a five course (and very expensive) prix fix meal with stuffed Turkey and the like. The food will most definitely be perfect (and better than your mother makes it... sorry Ma', but it's true) and the service will be impeccable, but if you're looking for a more downscale experience, then New York New York's Irish Pub Nine Fine Irishmen is serving Guinness-Glazed Turkey, which sounds pretty awesome (and much cheaper than a five-course prix fix meal at an internationally acclaimed resto).

DESSERT
You won't miss your mom's Apple Pie when you can visit some of Sin City's decadent sweet-centric businesses. Choose from dessert haven Sugar Factory at The Paris, Planet Hollywood, MGM Grand, or Mirage, as well as Chocolate-centric places like Jean Philippe Patisserie (with locations in The Bellagio and Aria), or Max Brenner at The Forum Shoppes in Caesars Palace. Some of the most sweetly decadent desserts are available at the whimsical Serendipity 3 at Caesars Palace, which features mega-sized Chocolate Blackout Cake, Apple Cobbler A La Mode, Deep Fried Orea Sundae, or their world famous Frrrozen Hot Chocolate. If you're feeling extra fancy and want to show off all of the money you have as a bonafide 1%er, the restaurant also serve a $1,000 "Grand Opulence" Sundae, which is topped by 23 Karat Goldleaf and Gold Flakes and is in the Guinness World Record Books as the most expensive Sundae on the planet.

FOOTBALL
Yes, Thanksgiving is a great day to check out and watch a bunch of football games. Luckily, this is Las Vegas we're talking about and you can find plenty of spots to post up for hours and watch all of the games at once. Sports bars galore, such as Lagasse's Stadium at The Venetian (I'm no longer boycotting Sheldon Adelson's resort now that his $100 million in donations aimed at defeating the President TANKED BIG TIME) or the Brit-tinged Crown and Anchor will have all the games playing on flatscreen TVs. Or you can get MORE emotionally involved in the outcome of an event you have no control over by putting some money on the games at any of the bazillion sports books located in every single casino... where they'll bring you a free drinks to help deal with the inevitable trauma of all of your bets crumbling to dust.

DRINKING
The only Turkey I need for Thanksgiving is Wild Turkey, amIright? Heavy drinking is generally a necessary part of any holiday, usually because being around family for an extended period of time is essentially impossible without a little help from alcoholic beverages. But just because you've narrowly escaped an awkward familial reunion for Sin City doesn't mean you won't want to indulge... and of course Las Vegas is as good a place as any if you feel like having a drink, or two, or many more than two. It will come as no surprise that I'll recommend some of the more divey corners of Sin City when looking for a place to post up for some serious drinking... my first endorsement from when I started this blog nearly two years ago was The Double Down Saloon, and the punk rock dive remains a favorite. Downtown has a nice collection of interesting watering holes located near one another, including hipster hang The Griffin, the artsy Artifice, or nightlife spot for geeks Insert Coins, amongst other great choices.

Enjoy high end cocktails at The Chandelier in The Cosmopolitan (a bar that is, as the name implies, actually built into the inside of a massive Chandelier, with glowing beaded lights) or the mixology mecca The Downtown Cocktail Room, while Beer lovers can enjoy an excellent selection of Craft Brews at the off the Strip Aces and Ales or Public House in The Venetian, and winos can delude themselves into believing that their alcoholism is a classy habit at The Rio Wine Cellar & Tasting Room, Double Helix Wine & Whiskey in The Shoppes at The Palazzo, or Aureole in Mandalay Bay (a restaurant and bar with a Wine tower so tall that the beautiful ladies who fetch the bottles for you have strap into a pulley system).

GAMBLING
While betting money you'll most likely lose pointlessly doesn't seem to fit in the holiday spirit, think about it: Thanksgiving is a holiday about celebrating America, and what is more American than Las Vegas? And how do you celebrate the city more than by indulging in the main reason for its existence? We call this line of logic "justification" or "enabling," but whatever you want to call it, if you're in Las Vegas, you're gonna end up wagering at least some money. Do it right by finding the places that feature low minimum bets so you don't lose your shirt too quickly, such as Bill's Gamblin' Hall on The Strip or basically all of the places in Downtown.

Escape from Douchebaggery, Part 29: Don't Tell Mama

Perhaps this is not something I should be admitting, but I really enjoy piano bars.

Maybe it's my love for Piano rock (I'm a not so secret Billy Joel lover), but I love me a smokey bar with a Piano player pounding out covers of the hits. Las Vegas has no shortage of such places, with dueling piano bars Harrah's, New York New York, and Paris, but those joints are generally packed to the gills with a more broish element screaming for Don't Stop Believin' (not that there's anything wrong with that wonderful song, but it's sorta been done to death of late). Don't Tell Mama in Downtown is a different story entirely.

DTM, located right on Fremont Street near a bunch of other cool bars, is a bit small, so try to get there on the early side of the evening if you want to grab a table for you and your peeps. The bartenders take turns belting out tunes played by the energetic and hilarious piano player when they're not serving you strong yet admittedly slightly pricy cocktails. The girls are surprisingly talented, especially singer/ drink-slinger Dre, who has become somewhat of a local celebrity. Throw a few bucks into the tip jar and ask for a request and you can get up and sing your heart out or let the super talented do it for you.

In addition to a Billy Joel rarity (this is not a place to beg for the overplayed yet still wonderful Piano Man, but they conceded my deep cut request), I got them to play some Beatles and Kinks tunes that brought down the house. And even though I didn't have anything to do with the performances beyond requesting the songs, I felt that I had proven something (you'll never accuse me of having anything less than a healthy ego).

But as much as I like to take credit for my piano bar curatorial skills (an extension of my X-Men like abilities to choose the best Jukebox tracks every time I go to The Drawing Room in Los Feliz), the piano player himself really blew me away with the selection of tunes he selected off the top of his head. Radiohead played at a Vegas piano bar? Yes, please!  He did also play a Muse song, but let's not hold that against him.

The place is right in the heart of the "cool part" of Fremont Street, located just a couple doors away from The Griffin, and very close to Insert Coins and Beauty Bar. The crowd is a nice mix of locals, adventurous tourists who have heard the place offers something more off-beat, hipsters, and gays (which made one less than open-minded Yelper so uncomfortable that she rated this awesome place only three stars. Plus she was mad that there weren't "endless drunk renditions of Journey and Billy Joel," so the fact that they play more eclectic music is now apparently a bad thing.  There's no accounting for stupid, I guess).

 Don't Tell Mama is pure fun-time, and just another example of why Downtown is the place to be if you're looking for an offbeat party night  in Vegas.

A Geeks Guide to Las Vegas

Okay, it's time to admit something deep and true about myself: I am a geek.
There, I said it. And I feel so much more free.

Then again, being a geek isn't exactly the social burden it once was. The internet has made it possible for fellow geeks to communicate their obsessions with each other on a mass scale. Geek-centric properties like The Avengers and Game of Thrones are basically the most popular things on the planet right now. Comic-Con is now a cultural even covered by almost every media outlet that actual wants hits. Even Doctor Who has gone from a weird British cult show that American nerds watch on bootleg VHS tapes in their parent's basements to a genuine cultural phenomenon with merchandise taking up endcap space at Barnes and Noble, lavish New York City premieres, and an endless variety of Pinterestable memes comparing Matt Smith and David Tennant's take on The Doctor.

As much as I want to make this post a laundry list that provides the definitive answer in the endless Tennent/ Smith battle, I guess I should probably make this article about Las Vegas on some level since that's what this blog is ostensibly (and definitely) about. Unless Emperor Moffat has the Tardis land in Sin City in a future adventure (and why not? He could team up with Dennis Quaid's Sheriff from Vegas, the upcoming period drama about the rough and tumble history of the town) then I can't really find a good motivation to write about the last Timelord and his bow-tied adventures. But what I can do is recommend the most geek friendly Las Vegas bars, restaurants, attractions, and resorts. And despite the fact the Star Trek Experience and Quark's Bar at the old Las Vegas Hilton (recently regenerated as The LVH) closed a few years back and the full scale USS Enterprise never opened on Fremont Street, Vegas is actually a pretty good place to be a geek, if you know the right places to look.

Insert Coins
512 Fremont St
Las Vegas, NV 89101

A few of these places I've already mentioned, but they're awesomely geeky and IT'S MY BLOG SO GET OFF MY BACK. Plus I know some people haven't read each and every post I've ever written (though if you haven't, get on it if you really want to prove your completist nerd credentials), which is why I'm totally fine with bringing up this amazing geek paradise again even though it was already the subject of one of my early posts. An awesome option for gamers looking to party Vegas-style, this Downtown hotspot is a cocktail that mixes the best elements of an arcade and a nightclub. And their (much cheaper than your average club) bottle service fee gets you a couch and an old school console rental. You can also dance to some better than average music if you're the kind of geek who isn't afraid to show off some killer moves without the aid of DDR. They've also got a well executed blog that understands their audience perfectly. Basically this place is the best.

Aria
CityCenter

The crown jewel in the massive CityCenter complex is another place I've blogged about in a previous reality, but it's worth mentioning again due to the fact that the rooms in this futuristic hotel are incredibly tech savvy. A remote controls everything, including the window curtains, air conditioning, light level, and even the television! You can also use the remote to set your room to green-friendly mode by closing the shades and setting the air to an environmentally friendly level in the first LEED Certified hotel in the city.


i-Bar
Rio

This lounge in the middle of Rio's bustling casino floor stands out because it was the first place on Planet Earth to install Microsoft Surface in an entertainment venue. The consoles are a prototype for Microsoft's highly anticipated aspirational iPad-killer tablets, and the bar features a group of the 360 degree view touchscreens that you and your friends can gather around to play a large selection of games. The machines are also social and can communicate with the other Surface consoles in the bar, so you can challenge strangers to a friendly game, send them photos, or even flirt with them. If you actually have the cojones to hit on someone using a touchscreen computer, go for it.

The National Atomic Testing Museu/ Area 51 Exhibit
755 East Flamingo Road
Las Vegas, NV 89119

Another place I've mentioned before, in a very recent post about quirky museums in Las Vegas. This place will appeal to your inner science and history nerd, with recreations of underground test facilities and the dummy-filled homes that were used in the tests of these awe inspiring weapons that the government used to test in the desert outside of Las Vegas. In that post, I advised people to avoid the attached Area 51 museum, which costs an extra fee. I haven't been back to the Atomic Testing Museum since the new exhibit opened but I haven't heard great things... but then again,  as a geek, it's kind of our duty to waste $10 on a half-assed alien museum, isn't it? (Bonus! The museum is a quick drive to the Dennis Hof's planned Sci-Fi themed brothel. If you're into that kind of thing. Ick.)

Pinball Hall of Fame
1610 East Tropicana Avenue
Las Vegas, NV 89119

 Another one from my recent list of oddball museums, but it would be a crime to write a post about geek-centric things to do in Las Vegas and fail to mention a place that gathered some of the best pinball machines from the golden age of the game under one roof. This place is old school geek nirvana.

MaximuM Comics
5130 South Fort Apache Road #285
Las Vegas, NV
 Probably the best comic book store in Las Vegas, it's a bit of a drive from The Strip but worth it for their excellent selection. If you're in Las Vegas on Wednesday, you'll be able to find every title from your pull list here, as well as a great selection of back issues and trades as well as super hero and general geek related merch. Just because you're an "adult" doesn't mean you have to stop buying Spider-Man T-shirts. (Note: this advice will always never get you laid.)

Sci Fi Center
900 E Karen Ave, Suite D202
Las Vegas, NV 89109
 
This place is a friggin' gem. The front of the Sci Fi Center is a little comic book shop with a decent selection, but the coolest part is their "underground screening room" where they show a wide variety of cult, genre, horror, sci-fi and generally geeky films and TV shows. They recently ran a classic Doctor Who marathon and they're known to show Rocky Horror at midnights as well. They also have a monthly live show featuring magic, vaudeville style performers, standup comedy, and more. If I could move into this hidden temple of pure cult nerdom, I'd do it in a heartbeat.


Zombie Apocalypse Store
3420 Spring Mountain Rd
Las Vegas, NV 89102
  This place is both amazing and nutty. While the owners really follow through on their geek-baiting theme and sell zombie related merchandise, they also really do offer "everything you'd need to survive a zombie apocalypse." Their mission statement says that "zombies" are a metaphor for everything, from tornadoes to earthquakes to "The Government," which means the place is basically a superstore for survivalists and promise keepers. You can also rent and shoot real machine guns at the property, and buy knives, swords, gas masks, stun guns, and "exploding targets." Which means you might run into some wing-nuts who think Barack Obama is turning America into a fascist socialist Muslim dystopia... but that's all part of the fun. You're not gonna actually meet a zombie at the store, but you can snap a great Instagram pic of you posing with a real life paranoid revolutionary!

28Go: The Restaurant
4632 S Maryland Pkwy, Suite 12
Las Vegas, NV 89119

Named after a Japanese manga from the 50's that introduced the concept of giant robots duking it out, this place features excellent Ramen and Asian Fusion food served in a setting designed with geeks in mind. Pictures of robots and mechs line the walls, sci-fi movies play on the TVs, and the entire place has a sleek future Tokyo vibe. Their stuffed Waffles and their Ramen are delicious, while drinks served from their "Space Bar" include Sake Fizz Cocktails made with fresh fruit infusions.

Bodies: The Exhibition
The Luxor

There was a time where I resented the existence of Bodies: The Exhibition because I thought it was a ripoff of Bodyworlds, the original touring show that features real human bodies preserved in polymer. But Bodies has survived for a long time at this point that it's earned my respect, with the Vegas version going strong for nearly a decade. If you're a science nerd, getting up close and personal, 3-dimensional views of what we look like on the inside is worth seeing. A lot of the bodies are arranged in crazy poses, which makes seeing the show while taking advantage of the liberal open container laws in Las Vegas even more fun.

Bonus Gulity Pleasure Pick: Tournament of Kings
Excalibur

Yes, The Excalibur's dinner and show is basically a blatant ripoff of Medieval Times. But so what? You get to cheer on knights in an epic jousting tournament while you scarf down mediocre food and drink crappy beer out of mugs. Unless you hate fun, what's not to love?

Escape from Douchery, Part 16: The Cabana Suites at El Cortez

As often as I sing the praises of Downtown Las Vegas, I had never stayed in a hotel on Fremont Street before my last Sin City excursion. I might slag off on the legendary D-Bag element that populates most of the popular spots on The Strip, but the main drag of Las Vegas Boulevard is where most of the action is. Plus, since the economy tanked, you can get really nice rooms at multi-bazillion dollar mega resorts super low rates... compare that to most Downtown lodging options and it's hard to turn down a $150 a night room at The Wynn (when you can find a miraculous deals every once in awhile) compared to a $90 room at one of the outdated Hotels on The Fremont Street Experience that are haunted by the permanent stench of stale cigarettes, sour booze, the perfume (and tears) of cheap hookers, and general desperation. You might not think desperation has a smell, but walk through The Las Vegas Club at 3 in the morning and you'll see what I mean.

But I finally bit the bullet on my last trip when I stayed a night at The El Cortez Hotel's semi-new Cabana Suites. Yes, I hedged my bets by booking a room at Aria on my second night (because they had a great deal that weekend and I was anxious to see what their almost completely automated future rooms were like) just in case staying Downtown turned out to be a tiny-huge mistake. The only mistake, it turned out, was not staying at the super cool suites for the entire weekend.

The El Cortez (double "thes" in the name for those who failed Spanish in high school) bought out The Ogden House Motel, a truly revolting old cheapskate fleabag relic, and smartly tapped into the growing hipster sensibility of the neighborhood by transforming the place into a uniquely designed 64 room non-gaming, smoke-free boutique hotel with style to burn. Suddenly, a hotel that had been open since the 40's and was once the property of Bugsy Segal was connected to one of the hippest spots to lay your head in Las Vegas.


The hotel's first smart move was to team up with The Las Vegas Design Center where they created a competition in which four winners were chosen and given free reign to "design a suite." These rooms are some of the most unique in Vegas, infused with the creative energy of young and hungry designers eager to share their vision with the world for the first time. These distinct suites range in their influences from retro 1950's hepcat cool to clean modernism, but they are united in the fact that they were designed with singular visions in mind. Very cool stuff.

Unfortunately, all of the Design-a-Suite rooms were booked solid on the Friday night in question (because I always have been and always will terrible at planning ahead for anything ever), but I was able to book one of their Junior Suites on the hotel's semi-frustrating website  (and while booking the room was a pain in the ass, the super cheap nightly rate more than made up for it). Once I checked in, I discovered that even the lobby was cool, with  a an art-deco design that was weaved throughout the entire property (including the hallways, with their funky carpeting and funkier wall art), that lent the place a coherent vibe.

 My Junior suite was not massive (as the term "Junior Suite" might indeed imply), but it was more than big enough for myself and my small band of merry travelers. The design was funky-fresh, with a that art-deco look subtly weaved throughout the room. We scored a flat screen television (which one of my suite-mates immediately turned on to flip through premium channels in search of any flashes of nudity), an iPod doc to curate our own pretentious playlist while we pre-gamed before hitting the bars on Fremont Street, and couches on which to chill out after tiring from one of our legendary in-room dance parties (to which you can only hope to one day be invited). Even the bathrooms were tastefully cool, with colorful walls and unique, raised sinks. I'm sorry, but a cool sink will always impress me. It's the little things in life, you know?

I stayed at The Cabana Suites before they opened their brand new pool area, which is set to start operating before summer. I'm sure that they've done just as nice a job on the renovated pool area as they have with the rest of the Boutique (after all, they did call it The Cabana Suites) and I'm secretly hoping it becomes the Vegas version of The Ace Hotel in Palm Springs' totally bitchin' Swim Club. 

While the small boutique hotel doesn't have its own bar or gaming floor (which is actually nice when you get back to your room late at night and you don't have to stumble through the haunting site of desperate souls losing their money at 4 in the morning), you can walk across the street to the El Cortez's main tower and enjoy a drink at the old-timey Parlour Bar, a reasonably priced yet delicious meal at The Flame Steakhouse, and some low-stakes gambling in one of the longest operating Casinos in town. And The Cabana Suites are conveniently located in walking distance to all of the great stuff Fremont Street has to offer, as the place is an extremely short walk from quirky Downtown hotspots like Insert Coins, The Griffin, The Downtown Cocktail Room, The Drink and Drag, and The Beat Coffeehouse.

While a hotel in Vegas is really just a place to do a few shots before spending a wild adventure on the streets of the city until the wee hours only to stumble back into for a few short and fitfully drunken hours of shut-eye, I will definitely be staying at the hip boutique in the near future. With its location in the heart of Downtown and super cool retro-modern design, The Cabana Suites at The El Cortez is the closest thing Vegas has to a truly hipster-approved hotel (at least until they get their act together and open an Ace in Downtown).