Paradise City Comes to Sin City

Las Vegas has become Florida for rock icons: it's where they spend their golden years in relative comfort (except for the 110 degree plus heat) before their careers wither away and die.

In the past, resident Vegas performers could generally be grouped under the "adult contemporary" banner in hopes of bringing the biggest possible audience of old people from the midwest looking for inoffensive entertainment. But news broke today that Guns N Roses would become the next nostalgia act to headline a Sin City residency starting on Halloween night at The Joint in The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. The announcement comes on the heels of Motley Crue's decently successful run at the same venue earlier this year, which means that hard rock bands playing Las Vegas residencies is officially a trend.

The news no doubt has caused existential panic amongst former Sunset Strip headbangers, reminding them of their advancing age and mortality even more than their wild party days being turned into the hit Broadway musical Rock of Ages (a version of which is also opening soon in Las Vegas at The Venetian, despite the fact that the movie adaptation was a box office dud), as the formerly dangerous band who sexily welcomed so many to the jungle is now joining the ranks of Celine Dion, Barry Manilow, and Donny & Marie.

Some (including myself) may argue that the band playing in Las Vegas isn't the true Guns N Roses, as legendary frontman/ asshole Axl Rose is the only remaining original member of the original member lineup. GNR isn't truly GNR without Slash, a figure who is nearly as iconic as the band's singer. Plus Axl's seen better days, as snarky bloggers are quick to point out that the formerly lithe rockstar has put on weight, tied his hair into ugly cornrows, and lost much of the edge to his famous falsetto.

With all of that said, GNR's (or what's left of the band's) Appetite for Democracy month long stand at The Hard Rock is actually one of the smartest choices for a Vegas residency act I've heard in a long time (with Bette Midler's ill-fated run at Caesars Palace a few years back being the absolute dumbest). Slash or no, the band is still an internationally known brand name with huge appeal and a deep back-catalog of memorable hits (most of which came from their first album, but it's a helluva first album).

At the height of their fame (and I know that the height of their fame is about four presidential administrations ago, but still), they were able to release two separate albums on the same day, bill them as Part 1 and 2 (instead of packaging them as one double album, like a sane band), and debut simultaneously on the top two spots on the Billboard charts.

Chinese Democracy, their decade in the making, $13.5 million dollar mega-record didn't fare nearly as well when it finally came out in 2008. But the record's release was a seismic cultural event nonetheless, covered religiously by indie music blogs and big media outlets alike. How many bands still draw this much speculation and attention? Sure, the fact that the record took so long and cost so much just to produce are a major reason it was so closely observed... but Axl Rose still knows how to draw attention as a bigger than life rock star. And his weight, stupid hairdo, and less than peak era vocals are secondary to that fact at this point in his career.

Axl and his current version of Guns N Roses will pack the crowds in at The Joint because he's one of the few people left who actually has the swagger to pull off being a rock star. A legendary narcissist,  Rose's most recent outrageous act was to write an open letter declining an invitation to perform at GNR's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony because he didn't want to share the stage with his former band members. Rose has a history of unpredictable to straight up bad behavior, causing a riot in Montreal back in the early 90's when he refused to play after Metallica frontman James Hetfield was nearly killed by onstage pyrotechnics. That's right, Axl Rose is such a volatile dude he caused the only known incident of Canadians acting violently in any capacity.

All of which means that these upcoming GNR shows in Las Vegas will bring a welcome unpredictability to the proceedings. The best and worst Vegas residency shows are precisely planned events. Elton John's awesome Million Dollar Piano show (his followup to his mega successful Red Piano residency which ran for five years) features a locked setlist in order to feature the incredible stagecraft and video elements. The Motley Crue shows earlier this year featured elements of giant, precisely timed spectacle as well, including a flying apparatus for Vince Neil to ride over the crowd and Cirque Du Soleil-like aerialists. These elements ensure that the shows will deliver plenty of bang for the many bucks one has to pay for the cost of a ticket, but they also mean there is a bit less spontaneity in the performances.

I'm not saying that the Guns N Roses shows won't feature plenty of highly planned special effects elements... but adding Axl Rose to the equation automatically makes things a little more volatile, which is something the Las Vegas entertainment scene sorely needs.

Axl Rose is that rare breed at this point in musical history, a guy who (as James Murphy said in Shut Up and Play the Hits, in reference to Kanye West) is actually "doing the job of being a rock star." Axl is ego given human form, an outrageous and stupid and sometimes brilliant man convinced of his own brilliance even though the music industry has tried to move on from his brand of rock-stardom. And his personality can still lead to amazing concert experiences.

Axl might embarrass himself during some of the shows at The Joint. He might jerkishly decide to half ass it a few nights. He might go onstage, imagine ways that the audience has abused him, and spend the evening battling the crowd, swearing at them even though they've paid good money to be there. He might even decide not to come out and perform just because he doesn't feel like it. Or he might prove that he's still got a few unforgettable and mind blowing performances left in the tank yet.

It's a gamble, but so is everything in Las Vegas. Welcome to the Jungle. 

Bad Vibrations: Why Surf the Musical Wiped Out

Surf the Musical was an ambitious gamble, even in a city known for big bets. And it looks like the show's producers have crapped out after just six weeks.

The $10 million jukebox musical featuring the classic music of The Beach Boys told a nostalgic tale of love set in the So-Cal surf culture of the 1960's. Featuring cutting edge video technology, live musicians, and proven talent (including the director of the original production of the smash hit jukebox musical Rock of Ages, which inspired the awesomely bad Tom Cruise flop this summer) and Adrien Zmed (whose screen credits include Grease 2 and TJ Hooker, which put him far from the A-List but proves he knows what the eff he's doing). The real gamble was the fact that the producers spent so much money on a totally original production instead of opening an already proven hit in Vegas.

I can't stress enough what kind of brass balls it took to do this. Nobody opens original productions in Las Vegas. Just look at the shows playing there now... there are something like 72 Cirque Du Soleil shows (and a few Cirque ripoffs), Phantom of the Opera, Blue Man Group, and the somehow still extremely popular Jersey Boys. (I'm not trying to criticize the show when I saw somehow extremely popular... I'm just shocked that a show about pre-rock and roll 50's pop singers has resonated so deeply with audiences, many of them young people, for so long. But those Four Seasons songs are ridiculously catchy.) The common thread among all of these shows is that they were all established smash hits long before they opened in Las Vegas; every last one of them was a relatively safe bet with a built in fan base ensuring they'd have audiences waiting for them when they opened.

Even established smash hits sometimes don't catch on in Sin City for whatever reason, as shows that are still running in other cities like Avenue Q, Monty Python's Spamalot, and the awesomely cracked out We Will Rock You (where the music of Queen frees the minds of masses the masses from a corporately controlled dystopian future) all had relatively short runs on The Strip.


The only original production I can think of off the top of my head (because I'm too lazy to do real research on this, basically) that came out of Las Vegas was Mike Tyson's Spike Lee directed one man show, Undisputed Truth, which did well enough to earn a limited Broadway run. (Note: some of you will try to trump me and point out that most of the Vegas Cirque shows originated there, as did variety spectacles like the long running Jubilee! at Bally's, tribute acts to The Rat Pack and Elvis, and the many adult shows on The Strip, including the one with boobs and vampires. To which I respond: you know I'm not talking about variety shows, tribute acts, adult revues, or artsy fartsy French-Canadian acrobatic spectacles, so don't be a smart-ass.) But that show starred a pop culture icon with deep roots in Sin City telling a crazy tabloid tale. Also, a one man show is a helluva lot easier (and cheaper) to stage than a full scale musical.

One could argue that the music of The Beach Boys would have been enough to draw in audiences, and while they're one of the most popular bands of all time, currently wrapping up a hugely successful reunion tour, and more influential than ever (with bands as diverse as Best Coast and Animal Collective clearly influenced by their classic sound), even splashing their name across all of the show's advertising wasn't enough to turn Surf the Musical into a hit. Show goers in Vegas are almost entirely made up of older tourists looking for a sure thing when they're spending over $100 a ticket. When it comes down to a choice between Jersey Boys, a name-brand jukebox musical with tons of great word of mouth and Tony wins under its belt, why would anyone choose the new upstart instead, even if you prefer The Beach Boys to Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons. Another issue was that The Beach Boys never officially endorsed the show. A lavish premiere where Brian Wilson walking the red carpet and looking confused with the rest of the band in tow would have been a great promotional opportunity. But the problems go deeper: the producers needed more than cover versions of decades old Beach Boys tunes and the second lead from TJ Hooker to sell their ambitious show to the masses. (TJ Hooker's third lead, Heather Locklear, might have helped, come to think of it.)

I didn't get to check out Surf the Musical, so all of this is conjecture on my part. Perhaps the show was  a magnificent Broadway style production that used classic Beach Boy tunes in exciting new contexts. But based on the many reviews I've read, I highly doubt that. The storyline was pure 60's surf movie simplicity about a guy losing a girl and working to get her back from the arrogant bad guy. When was the last time an earnest surf movie was a hit?

Reports for the show's attendance were extremely bleak. No performance sold more than 200 seats in Planet Hollywood's 1,500 seat Peepshow theater, while one night was attended by an abysmal 50 people. The show began running previews on June 29 and opened officially on July 17. The last performance will be on Wednesday, August 15. That's about six weeks of shows and millions of dollars lost. All of which is very dispiriting, because I love the idea of producers originating a new show in Las Vegas, even though it seems counter intuitive. I respect the moxy of the producers for betting so big, but their bet was fundamentally flawed, like a Blackjack player hitting on 19. No wonder they went bust.

So what could they have done to succeed with an original show in Las Vegas? I (of course, y'all know I gots to get in there) have a few (fully unsolicited) ideas that might be prove helpful to the next brass-balled producer who attempts such a feat.

Make it Vegas-centric
People come to Las Vegas for a Las Vegas experience. For a show to succeed, set it in Sin City and make it about something quintessentially Las Vegan. Play up the spectacle, the excess, the sin, and the city's rich showbiz and mob related history. The Beach Boys could be the basis for a great show, but the whole production seemed so So-Cal centric. Why not make it about 60's Vegas and set it to the beat of Rat Pack classics? Or just call Marty Scorsese and ask him if the rights to Casino: The Musical are available. (The last part is mostly a joke, but how amazing would that be, really?)


Base it Around Something Currently Popular

Not to say that The Beach Boys aren't one of the most popular bands of all time, but they're not exactly hip with the kids. While the sweet spot for selling show tickets in Las Vegas is probably middle aged to the genuinely elderly (because young people generally go to Vegas to party, not listen to show tunes) it would perhaps be wise to base a show around a more relevant act. Garth Brooks has been selling out his intimate shows at The Wynn (even though the lowest ticket prices are nearly $300), so why not base a show around his stuff or other country hits? (Has there ever been a country music jukebox musical? I cop to being one of those music snobs who says he listens to "everything but country," but I'd be more than happy to familiarize myself with the genre if I could make millions of dollars putting one together. Just say the word, producers.)

Feature a Genuine Star
Not to besmirch a showbiz survivor like Mr. Zmed, but he's not the kind of name who will draw in the big crowds looking for something fun to do on their vacation (though I'm sure there is a large contingent of TJ Hooker fanatics out there, posting on message boards and kicking themselves for missing out on the very brief run of Surf the Musical). Vegas shows have to draw the attention of people from all over the world, so you've gotta a pander a bit. And there's no better way to pander than to bring in a really big star. Celine Dion nearly sold out every performance she gave at Caesars Palace for five years and was so successful that they brought her back for another residency. The same thing happened with Elton John, and as mentioned above, Garth Brooks has been knocking it out of the park at The Wynn. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, Cee-Lo, and Shania Twain will all launch residency shows in the near future. Why not get a big star to headline an original production? Recruit Prince for a live action Purple Rain! Cast David Bowie and some puppets in a full scale Labyrinth musical! The possibilities are endless.

Or they could just call it a day and pay Zach Galifianakis a gold yacht filled with money to star in The Hangover: The Musical.

Vegas Headliners of the Future!

For a long time, Las Vegas has been the place where the careers of music and comedy superstars have come to die. Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack used to play the original casinos in the 60's, selling out classic showrooms with their boozy antics and allowing them to ignore the fact that culture had pretty much passed them by with the ascension of rock acts like The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. 
Elvis Presley was rock's original breakthrough artist, but he played out the last days of his storied career performing in The Las Vegas Hilton (recently rechristened as The LVH), completing his transformation from an icon whose raw sexuality frightened parents into "Fat Elvis," a caricature of his former self with a penchant for Peanut Butter, Bacon, and Banana Sandwiches.

These days, Celine Dion, Elton John, and Garth Brooks headline three of the most successful residency shows in Las Vegas. While none of these icons are as popular as they were at the peaks of their careers, Las Vegas has provided them with cushy homes from which they can sell out decent sized arenas at ridiculously high ticket prices so they can continue to feel as relevant as they did when they were selling millions of records. 

It makes a lot of sense for the artists to sign up for these Vegas residencies... the gigs take them off the grueling road after long careers of touring, and it gives them the opportunity to do something a little more elaborate with the stage-craft since they don't have to haul their sets with them from city to city. The residency shows also seem to sell better than when the stars take their acts on the road because audiences are more inclined to see them when they're on vacation in Las Vegas... it's a phenomenon that seems to come from the same place as the continued success of Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum.

But who will replace these superstars when they get sick of playing the parts of modern-day Fat Elvises? Behold the list below to see my bold predictions for the future Las Vegas residency stars of the past!

Pearl Jam: It's just about time for a popular 90's act to start a Las Vegas headlining gig. R.E.M. just broke up (and probably had too much integrity to agree to it), Billy Corgan has thoroughly nuked the legacy of The Smashing Pumpkins, and Pavement would only agree to the gig ironically. That leaves Pearl Jam, who haven't embarrassed themselves too much as they've aged and still boast a loyal fanbase willing to buy tickets to their live shows even though they haven't released an album of new material anyone has cared about since before the end of the Clinton administration. If the casino that books them can sell their tickets through a vendor other than Ticketmaster, I'd imagine Eddie Vedder and company would sign up for the gig immediately.

Other 90's nostalgia acts who could pull in the bro-crowd with a Vegas residency: Foo Fighers, Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Prince: The Purple-One has actually already starred in a short-lived Las Vegas residency, selling out a series of intimate shows at The Rio for a month back in 2007 before disappearing back into his magical fantasy-land. But a more filled out Prince spectacle like his epic 2007 Super Bowl halftime show performance might be just what Las Vegas needs. The iconic pop genius could roll up on a purple motorcycle for Purple Reign and release a flock of doves (just so you really knew what the sounds is like when they cried).

Alternate 80's pop icons who could end up onstage in Vegas: U2 (because then they could build space-ship like stages to their hearts content and would no longer have to worry about Coldplay nipping at their heels), Morrissey (whose super-gay, British, and old-school stage presence would make him a a natural fit to take over Elton's thrown... if only he was a little more mainstream).

Bob Dylan: It seems like a crazy idea to have one of the most famous protest songwriters of all time take the stage in the capital of late-capitalism, but Bob Dylan has proven time and again that that he likes to completely and total eff with your expectations and that he truly doesn't give an eff about what you think. The super-genius songwriter has already starred in ad for Victoria's Secret where he sat in a throne surrounded by lingerie clad models, so is it really that far a leap to imagine the gravely voiced genius performing The Times They Are A-Changin' with a chorus of sexy burlesque dancers backing him up on stage at The Venetian?

Other 60's rockers who might sell out their legacies for Vegas money: Paul McCartney. He's written some of the best songs of all time but he's not above cashing in in every way possible.

Van Halen: Motley Crue starred in a semi-successful residency earlier this year, proving hard rock acts could hack it in Vegas residencies. If Van Halen could settle down and make David Lee Roth behave, they could bring some serious spectacle (as well as serious money from yuppies looking to relive their headbanger days) to The Strip.

Other hard rock dinosaurs that could get lucky in Vegas: K.I.S.S., Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, any number of hair metal bands.

Jay Z and Friends : The idea of Jay-Z becoming the first hip hop act to star in a Vegas residency makes so much sense I want it to happen ASAP. Hova could become the new Godfather of The Strip, bringing spectacle, a great back catalog of hits, and famous friends to drop in and do guest spots. He's already declared himself the "new Sinatra" in Empire State of Mind; why not create the Hip Hop Rat Pack (please don't make Rap-Pack jokes... I've already considered and rejected that awful pun) and bring Kanye and Beyonce along for the ride?

Other Hip Hop Icons who could rock The Strip: Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, Tupac's Hologram (yes you knew that joke would appear in this article eventually).