Paradise City Comes to Sin City

Las Vegas has become Florida for rock icons: it's where they spend their golden years in relative comfort (except for the 110 degree plus heat) before their careers wither away and die.

In the past, resident Vegas performers could generally be grouped under the "adult contemporary" banner in hopes of bringing the biggest possible audience of old people from the midwest looking for inoffensive entertainment. But news broke today that Guns N Roses would become the next nostalgia act to headline a Sin City residency starting on Halloween night at The Joint in The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. The announcement comes on the heels of Motley Crue's decently successful run at the same venue earlier this year, which means that hard rock bands playing Las Vegas residencies is officially a trend.

The news no doubt has caused existential panic amongst former Sunset Strip headbangers, reminding them of their advancing age and mortality even more than their wild party days being turned into the hit Broadway musical Rock of Ages (a version of which is also opening soon in Las Vegas at The Venetian, despite the fact that the movie adaptation was a box office dud), as the formerly dangerous band who sexily welcomed so many to the jungle is now joining the ranks of Celine Dion, Barry Manilow, and Donny & Marie.

Some (including myself) may argue that the band playing in Las Vegas isn't the true Guns N Roses, as legendary frontman/ asshole Axl Rose is the only remaining original member of the original member lineup. GNR isn't truly GNR without Slash, a figure who is nearly as iconic as the band's singer. Plus Axl's seen better days, as snarky bloggers are quick to point out that the formerly lithe rockstar has put on weight, tied his hair into ugly cornrows, and lost much of the edge to his famous falsetto.

With all of that said, GNR's (or what's left of the band's) Appetite for Democracy month long stand at The Hard Rock is actually one of the smartest choices for a Vegas residency act I've heard in a long time (with Bette Midler's ill-fated run at Caesars Palace a few years back being the absolute dumbest). Slash or no, the band is still an internationally known brand name with huge appeal and a deep back-catalog of memorable hits (most of which came from their first album, but it's a helluva first album).

At the height of their fame (and I know that the height of their fame is about four presidential administrations ago, but still), they were able to release two separate albums on the same day, bill them as Part 1 and 2 (instead of packaging them as one double album, like a sane band), and debut simultaneously on the top two spots on the Billboard charts.

Chinese Democracy, their decade in the making, $13.5 million dollar mega-record didn't fare nearly as well when it finally came out in 2008. But the record's release was a seismic cultural event nonetheless, covered religiously by indie music blogs and big media outlets alike. How many bands still draw this much speculation and attention? Sure, the fact that the record took so long and cost so much just to produce are a major reason it was so closely observed... but Axl Rose still knows how to draw attention as a bigger than life rock star. And his weight, stupid hairdo, and less than peak era vocals are secondary to that fact at this point in his career.

Axl and his current version of Guns N Roses will pack the crowds in at The Joint because he's one of the few people left who actually has the swagger to pull off being a rock star. A legendary narcissist,  Rose's most recent outrageous act was to write an open letter declining an invitation to perform at GNR's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony because he didn't want to share the stage with his former band members. Rose has a history of unpredictable to straight up bad behavior, causing a riot in Montreal back in the early 90's when he refused to play after Metallica frontman James Hetfield was nearly killed by onstage pyrotechnics. That's right, Axl Rose is such a volatile dude he caused the only known incident of Canadians acting violently in any capacity.

All of which means that these upcoming GNR shows in Las Vegas will bring a welcome unpredictability to the proceedings. The best and worst Vegas residency shows are precisely planned events. Elton John's awesome Million Dollar Piano show (his followup to his mega successful Red Piano residency which ran for five years) features a locked setlist in order to feature the incredible stagecraft and video elements. The Motley Crue shows earlier this year featured elements of giant, precisely timed spectacle as well, including a flying apparatus for Vince Neil to ride over the crowd and Cirque Du Soleil-like aerialists. These elements ensure that the shows will deliver plenty of bang for the many bucks one has to pay for the cost of a ticket, but they also mean there is a bit less spontaneity in the performances.

I'm not saying that the Guns N Roses shows won't feature plenty of highly planned special effects elements... but adding Axl Rose to the equation automatically makes things a little more volatile, which is something the Las Vegas entertainment scene sorely needs.

Axl Rose is that rare breed at this point in musical history, a guy who (as James Murphy said in Shut Up and Play the Hits, in reference to Kanye West) is actually "doing the job of being a rock star." Axl is ego given human form, an outrageous and stupid and sometimes brilliant man convinced of his own brilliance even though the music industry has tried to move on from his brand of rock-stardom. And his personality can still lead to amazing concert experiences.

Axl might embarrass himself during some of the shows at The Joint. He might jerkishly decide to half ass it a few nights. He might go onstage, imagine ways that the audience has abused him, and spend the evening battling the crowd, swearing at them even though they've paid good money to be there. He might even decide not to come out and perform just because he doesn't feel like it. Or he might prove that he's still got a few unforgettable and mind blowing performances left in the tank yet.

It's a gamble, but so is everything in Las Vegas. Welcome to the Jungle. 

Vegas Headliners of the Future!

For a long time, Las Vegas has been the place where the careers of music and comedy superstars have come to die. Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack used to play the original casinos in the 60's, selling out classic showrooms with their boozy antics and allowing them to ignore the fact that culture had pretty much passed them by with the ascension of rock acts like The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. 
Elvis Presley was rock's original breakthrough artist, but he played out the last days of his storied career performing in The Las Vegas Hilton (recently rechristened as The LVH), completing his transformation from an icon whose raw sexuality frightened parents into "Fat Elvis," a caricature of his former self with a penchant for Peanut Butter, Bacon, and Banana Sandwiches.

These days, Celine Dion, Elton John, and Garth Brooks headline three of the most successful residency shows in Las Vegas. While none of these icons are as popular as they were at the peaks of their careers, Las Vegas has provided them with cushy homes from which they can sell out decent sized arenas at ridiculously high ticket prices so they can continue to feel as relevant as they did when they were selling millions of records. 

It makes a lot of sense for the artists to sign up for these Vegas residencies... the gigs take them off the grueling road after long careers of touring, and it gives them the opportunity to do something a little more elaborate with the stage-craft since they don't have to haul their sets with them from city to city. The residency shows also seem to sell better than when the stars take their acts on the road because audiences are more inclined to see them when they're on vacation in Las Vegas... it's a phenomenon that seems to come from the same place as the continued success of Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum.

But who will replace these superstars when they get sick of playing the parts of modern-day Fat Elvises? Behold the list below to see my bold predictions for the future Las Vegas residency stars of the past!

Pearl Jam: It's just about time for a popular 90's act to start a Las Vegas headlining gig. R.E.M. just broke up (and probably had too much integrity to agree to it), Billy Corgan has thoroughly nuked the legacy of The Smashing Pumpkins, and Pavement would only agree to the gig ironically. That leaves Pearl Jam, who haven't embarrassed themselves too much as they've aged and still boast a loyal fanbase willing to buy tickets to their live shows even though they haven't released an album of new material anyone has cared about since before the end of the Clinton administration. If the casino that books them can sell their tickets through a vendor other than Ticketmaster, I'd imagine Eddie Vedder and company would sign up for the gig immediately.

Other 90's nostalgia acts who could pull in the bro-crowd with a Vegas residency: Foo Fighers, Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Prince: The Purple-One has actually already starred in a short-lived Las Vegas residency, selling out a series of intimate shows at The Rio for a month back in 2007 before disappearing back into his magical fantasy-land. But a more filled out Prince spectacle like his epic 2007 Super Bowl halftime show performance might be just what Las Vegas needs. The iconic pop genius could roll up on a purple motorcycle for Purple Reign and release a flock of doves (just so you really knew what the sounds is like when they cried).

Alternate 80's pop icons who could end up onstage in Vegas: U2 (because then they could build space-ship like stages to their hearts content and would no longer have to worry about Coldplay nipping at their heels), Morrissey (whose super-gay, British, and old-school stage presence would make him a a natural fit to take over Elton's thrown... if only he was a little more mainstream).

Bob Dylan: It seems like a crazy idea to have one of the most famous protest songwriters of all time take the stage in the capital of late-capitalism, but Bob Dylan has proven time and again that that he likes to completely and total eff with your expectations and that he truly doesn't give an eff about what you think. The super-genius songwriter has already starred in ad for Victoria's Secret where he sat in a throne surrounded by lingerie clad models, so is it really that far a leap to imagine the gravely voiced genius performing The Times They Are A-Changin' with a chorus of sexy burlesque dancers backing him up on stage at The Venetian?

Other 60's rockers who might sell out their legacies for Vegas money: Paul McCartney. He's written some of the best songs of all time but he's not above cashing in in every way possible.

Van Halen: Motley Crue starred in a semi-successful residency earlier this year, proving hard rock acts could hack it in Vegas residencies. If Van Halen could settle down and make David Lee Roth behave, they could bring some serious spectacle (as well as serious money from yuppies looking to relive their headbanger days) to The Strip.

Other hard rock dinosaurs that could get lucky in Vegas: K.I.S.S., Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, any number of hair metal bands.

Jay Z and Friends : The idea of Jay-Z becoming the first hip hop act to star in a Vegas residency makes so much sense I want it to happen ASAP. Hova could become the new Godfather of The Strip, bringing spectacle, a great back catalog of hits, and famous friends to drop in and do guest spots. He's already declared himself the "new Sinatra" in Empire State of Mind; why not create the Hip Hop Rat Pack (please don't make Rap-Pack jokes... I've already considered and rejected that awful pun) and bring Kanye and Beyonce along for the ride?

Other Hip Hop Icons who could rock The Strip: Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, Tupac's Hologram (yes you knew that joke would appear in this article eventually).