Las Vegas Gets Brooklynier With Planned Public Park at New York New York

Last month, MGM resorts announced ambitious plans to build a new 20,000 seat arena that would become the largest entertainment venue in the city (in collaboration with monolithic live event superpower AEG) which will open behind New York New York and the Monte Carlo next year. Part of the $100 million plan also includes a public green space inspired by Manhattan's Madison Square Park featuring an outdoor shopping promenade, shade trees, and benches, connecting the two resorts... which is the part that interests and vexes me the most about this announcement.

In one sense, it's nice to see that Las Vegas moguls embracing the green space movement and encouraging their visitors to step outside of their casinos, after years of designing resorts with florescent lighting and no clocks on the walls, meant to keep patrons lose all sense of time and continue gambling away their hard-earned paychecks. But that old philosophy has changed over time, with casinos like The Aria at CityCenter boasting large windows that let natural light spill in from the outside. And now the bigwigs at MGM Resorts are actually inviting guests to step fully out into the sun with their new attraction.

The new park area will create big changes to the facades of both New York New York and Monte Carlo, with green areas set up for people to hang out. But this being Las Vegas, the area will also feature plenty of stores and restaurants where visitors can spend their hard-earned paychecks.

Many of these spaces are pretty conventional... a two story Hershey's Chocolate World  store and attraction will compete with the M and M's World store that's basically right across the street. The Double Barrell Roadhouse is presented by nightlife impresarios SBE, but it will be a decidedly less upscale venue than their swanky Hyde nightclub, with plans to serve American comfort food and glasses of beer.

But a few of the businesses are actually pretty intriguing. 800 Degrees Neapolitan Pizzeria, which serves pizzas prepared in a minute in super hot ovens and has become a bit of a sensation in LA, will open its doors in front of Monte Carlo. A new brewpub complete with an outdoor beer garden is planned for the site. And most promisingly, the park will also boast the first Shake Shack location in the country outside of New York city (which is a big deal. Shake Shack is delicious and a huge success. But people who try and act as if Shake Shack is better than or even equal to In N Out should get their heads examined). The park will also provide space for local food trucks to pull up and cook up their goods for visitors.

I'm all for creating more outdoor public spaces in Las Vegas (even though stepping out into daylight in Vegas means roasting in the summer sun), and I think the whole thing is a pretty smart play... while $100 million isn't chicken scratch by any means, it's a smart way to bring in new foot traffic without building a brand new multi-billion dollar resort. And the park is a smart way to counter-program  against The Linq, the new outdoor shopping center featuring a massive ferris wheel being built by the Caesars people just a little bit further North on The Strip.

But the whole thing is also a big bemusing to me. It kind of feels like Las Vegas is trying to do some sort of Brookylny experience on The Strip, with the outdoor park and brewery and Shake Shack elements. Of course, the entire point of New York New York is to create an experience akin to the biggest city in America to The Strip, but transporting the neon commercial hustle and bustle of Times Square into Las Vegas makes sense. Building a communal outdoor experience is less of a natural fit.

While I dig the idea of an outdoor experience coming to The Strip, the new park and plaza ultimately won't end up comparing to the kind of neighborhood-building going on in Downtown, with its local businesses and unique restaurants and bars. Instead, the concept art looks like it's going to take the idea of a public space, commercialize it, and turn it into just another mall. None of this is surprising when you consider the fact that most of the Las Vegas Strip is basically a giant shopping mall (with liberal open-container laws), but the creators of the park have a chance to maybe do something a little different. A two level Hershey's store doesn't inspire confidence that they will do anything new or bold, but it will be interesting to see if the brain-trust behind the project can truly create an experience we haven't see on The Strip yet.

At least there will be a new spot to get a nice craft brew outdoors.

The Veleveteen Rabbit Set To Finally Become Real In March

The classic children's story The Velveteen Rabbit is about a stuffed bunny struggling against the odds to become real, empowered by the love of his owner. The story of The Velveteen Rabbit Bar in Downtown Las Vegas follows similar beats as the beloved children's tale, with two sisters who have struggled against the odds to take a magical dream and make it real through the sheer force of love... and it looks like a happy ending is finally around the corner.

I've already mentioned the bar in a previous post, but I also figured that the place would be open by now, but the place has been delayed a few times. While Pam and Christina Dylag had a tough road to sow in getting their dream business off the ground, The Facebook Page page for ambitious (and off Fremont) DTV entertainment district Downtown 3rd reports that the whimsical bar will start pouring real cocktails sometime in March.

ERIC ITA/VEGAS SEVEN

This is a happy ending to a story that seemed like it might not have one. Just a few weeks ago, The Las Vegas Review Journal reported on the latest (but seemingly last) hurdles that the Dylag sisters faced in getting their bar set up for business. The place has been two years in the making, as the sisters chose to renovate an abandoned and fire damaged old furniture store in Downtown, knowing it would inject some character and history into their business. But renovations were more difficult than expected, as simple things like hooking up the building to sewer lines (which is a pretty big necessity, obviously) proved more difficult and expensive than originally anticipated. Thus far, the sisters have spent two years renovating their space and already sunk nearly $250,000 into a bar that is still not operational.

DAVID BECKER/LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL

Another difficulty they faced setting up gaming in the bar. This is Vegas we're talking about, after all, and the sisters originally planned to install five slot machines at The Velveteen Rabbit. But in 2011 a new ordinance was passed mandating that a business must offer a certain amount of square footage for food service in order to install five or more slot machines, a law that makes absolutely no sense and is blatantly designed to favor large casinos over small bars.

But the sisters finally caught a break recently, as the city council unanimously approved them for a "quick-start" grant, in which they were awarded nearly $35,000 to offset the crazy costs of making sure the renovated building is in compliance with the city's constantly shifting codes.

So with that victory, it looks like the dream is actually, finally, becoming a reality. Located a few blocks away from the quickly growing Fremont East District on Main Street, right in the middle of The First Fridays Art Walk route, the sisters are hoping to contribute to the expansion of Downtown as it evolves into a truly walkable area for locals. You can take a look at the sister's official blog to catch a glimpse of the whimsical and imaginative vision that that these two crushable, bad-ass, Vegas-born, and Bohemian sisters with eclectic taste will bring to life at the bar.

They haven't given anyone a full glimpse into what the finished interior will look like yet, but we can expect a whimsical place complete with furniture and antiques purchased from local thrift stores, mismatched glassware, creative signature cocktails created with fresh ingredients and love, a smartly curated menu of craft brews, local art on the walls, performances by local bands and DJs , fire damage incorporated into the aesthetic, a colorful Victorian design, chandeliers made from recycled and re-purposed glass bottles, and four (but not five) slot machines. And next month, you'll finally be able to visit the place for real as it goes from much loved concept to actual working watering hole, from hotly anticipated bar to actual hangout for local creative types and "curious class" Vegas tourists alike.

Opening The Velveteen Rabbit has been a labor of love for the Dylag sisters that has taken years (and lots of money) to come to fruition, but that's only appropriate, considering the bar's namesake. To paraphrase the original story by Margery Williams, when someone "loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real. It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time."

How to Have a Super Sunday in Las Vegas

I don't know exactly when it first started happening, but I've noticed that in the last few years most media outlets and businesses have come up with creative ways to describe a certain big game coming up this weekend instead of putting the word Super next to the name of the type of dish out of which you eat cereal, Ice Cream, or salad (if you're a hippie). I'm aware that the League of National Footballers is a quite litigious organization, but it seems sort of silly to me that most headlines or signs are forced to use terms like "Big Game" instead of the trademarked moniker for said sporting event, because doesn't that sort the name just serve to reinforce the brand?

Then again, The Sunday of The Superb-Owl (the title of a comic strip I could start drawing, but probably won't because I'm lazy... and also terrible at drawing) is basically a national holiday celebrated in greater numbers and with more fervor and religiosity than Christmas (even though Chicken Wings and Pizza places are all open instead of just Chinese restaurants), so I guess the league doesn't need any more publicity than they already receive and can just collect checks for people who use their trademarked game title and still feel confident that everyone in the country will be watching.

My question is, what happens when someone trademarks the term "Big Game?" Wait, I might do that right now. It was my idea, don't steal it! It makes me wonder who owns the BigGame.Com or TheBigGame.Com URLs on GoDaddy? Anyway, as per usual, I digress. The actual point of this post is all about how do Las Vegas on Super Salad Dish Sunday, so I suppose I'll focus on that.

The last time I was in Las Vegas for the big game was two years ago, when Aaron Rodgers and The Pack beat Pittsburgh in a pretty good game. The city pretty much shuts down during the much hyped match every year. While that sounds like an exaggeration, during the four quarters of the contest, it's easy to find a spot at usually packed gaming tables, lines for popular buffets are shorter, and attendance for shows dips. Which means those Cirque performers and Blue Men are both missing the game while performing in front of nearly empty houses, which is just sad when you think about it.

You really have two options on Big Game Sunday in Vegas... you can get to a cool sports bar or sports book hours and hours early and spec out a nice place to sit, spending tons of money over the course of the day on Beers and fried foods, basically paying rent on your highly desired real estate. Lagasse's Stadium at The Palazzo serves Emeril approved twists on sports bar classics in a space with tons of TVs, including a massive projection screen that you can view from actual stadium-style seats. And loyal readers know how much I love Public House at The Venetian, where you can enjoy an incredible selection of beers... but the hip and classy joint only features a couple TVs over the bar, so you will have to get there really early if you want a good seat for kickoff. If you've got the cash, many of the venues take reservations for the game where you can sign up for packages that include drinks and food along with seats near a TV, but it's expensive... the game watching equivalent of getting bottle service at a club, only with more nachos and less dubstep.

The other option, for those like me who are too lazy and unmotivated to post up at seats hours before the game and are too cheap to pay for the privilege of watching a game you can watch on hundreds (more like thousands) of TVs hanging all over town anyway is to not plan anything and just wander The Strip. Every single casino you walk into will be playing the game on every screen you look at. Honestly, it will be hard to not have the game in your line of vision no matter where you turn your head. Two years ago, my friends and I had a blast walking down The Strip, stopping at gaming tables and laying bets, collecting comped drinks, and watching a few plays before moving to the next place during commercial breaks. We watched the fourth quarter at The South Point Casino, chomping on Bacon 'n' Cheese Double Steakburgers and Thin Crispy Fries with Cheese Sauce at the furthest west location of the wonderfully terrible for your health Steak N' Shake, then hit the road ahead of traffic once the game clock hit zero. While this strategy might make serious football fans nervous, we timed it so that we didn't miss any key plays and moved to different locations during ad breaks and between quarters (because we really had no desire to watch the Black Eyed Peas during halftime anyway). And while the TV spots are just as big a part of the event, any truly outstanding ads will be available on Monday morning on Hulu and  YouTube anyway, so you're not going to miss anything.

I'd do the same thing this year, but this game is bigger for me than in years past. I'm from the Bay Area, so my Niners are in the big dance. That means I'll need true and deep focus, because we all know that fans watching the game at all times and wearing your lucky hat and eating the same food you ate the last time your team won the big game can have a big impact on what happens on the field (it's only weird if it doesn't work, as that ubiquitous Bud Light ad campaign pointed out). But if your favorite team isn't in the game? Walk The Strip as you watch the game and don't stress about finding a good spot. Because nothing will drown out your sorrow due to your team failing to make it to the big game better than the fresh sorrow you'll feel as you lose money at the various gaming tables along The Strip, at which point you'll make the same face Jim Harbaugh makes when even the most meaningless of calls doesn't go his way.

The Strange Case Of The "Sports Bar For Women"

The latest mini-trend in Las Vegas seems to be restaurants and bars specifically targeted for the ladies. Eva Longoria's SHe by Morton's is a hip and intimate Steakhouse complete with DJs, dancers on elevated catwalks, and stilt-walkers that's already targeting groups of female friends heading out for a lady's night. The trend will continue with Heraea, a sports bar opening soon in The Palms (if the resort emerges from recent troubles unscathed) designed to appeal to the fairer sex from hip restaurant and bar gurus The One Group.

That's right, a sports bar for the ladies.

On first glance, the idea seems incredibly stupid. By no means am I arguing that women don't like sports or sports bars... in fact, that's what makes it ridiculous. Many, many women love sports, but I've never met one who went to watch a game and wished they had a more girl-friendly option at which to enjoy the Football game. I don't know any women who feel that Nachos and Beer are for boys, and wish they had better options Kale Salad and Cosmo options while they watch the game. The whole idea sounds like it could be potentially sexist even as its intended to be "for women." But then again, maybe The One Group people are onto something.


In an interview with The Las Vegas Sun, One Group CEO Jonathan Segal described his vision in two paragraphs that only sorta traffic sexist stereotypes:  “A couple are planning to go out in Vegas. The guy says, ‘Will you watch the game with me?’ The girl turns around and says, ‘OK, I want to go to Heraea at the Palms.’ And the guy says, ‘OK!’ He thinks he’s making the decision, but he’s not!”

Segal then added  "we have done the research, and 75 percent of all househould decisions are made by wives or girlfriends... and 100 percent of guys think they are in control, so women have learned exactly how to make the decisions while making us think we're making them. This hits exactly to the point of what we're aiming to do here."

Statistics like "100 percent of guys think they are in control," sound awfully unscientific, insultingly portray women as the ultimate manipulators and men and easily duped simpletons, and are basically as believable as stories of Manti Te'O's dead girlfriend (topical! and a sports reference!), but I can see his point. From what I can gather, Heraea will feature upscale food, chic design, and a bit of the restaurant as nightclub vibe that made The One Group's STK at The Cosmopolitan such a big hit. Despite a slogan that teases Heraea will be "where girls go to play," (a tag that might imply the place is the most expensive Lesbian Bar in a major Vegas resort, though if it becomes successful at that I'm sure The One Group will nto complain) the concept seems to be more of a sports bar that ladies who DON'T like sports will be okay with visiting with their husband/ boyfriends. and not an answer to the prayers of women who love sports but hate sports bars... because, again, I'm not really sure that's a demographic that exists. A Portlandia book store like place that is a "safe space for women" this will not be, I'm assuming.

But who knows? Perhaps The One Group is evolving the Sports Bar into something new, something that Sports Bars of the future will have to respond to. Personally, I think a place that pours cold Beer and serves giant plates of cheesy Nachos with your Football is a perfect thing, a case of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it," but The One Group's experiment in upscale and feminine friendly Pubbery works, then I'll be happy to say I'm wrong.

And it's also possible it will succeed simply because in bringing in more dudes who would go to a sports bar anyway but choose Hereae because they expect to find more ladies to chat up while they watch the game. In which case, well played, One Group. Well played.

Never Enough Chlorine: Strip Club Pool To Open In Early 2013

If the Mayans weren't right about the world ending later this month, perhaps they should have been: Sapphire, the world's largest Strip Club, is dipping their toes into the ever-expanding Las Vegas "daylife" scene, as the Sapphire Pool and Day Club is set to open in March, with a preview day scheduled for this week.

I mean, I'm not a moralist whose against strip clubs. I've been to my share of strip clubs. I enjoy strip clubs. In fact I have a problem where I'm spending all my money at strip clubs. Please help me. This blog is a cry for help. (None of this is true, other than the "I've been to my share of strip clubs. Don't send help). But an outdoor pool area combined with a strip club? Is this something anyone is clamoring for?

Personally, on the rare occasion when I go into a strip club (I promise, rare is the actual operative word here, I know some of you might be worrying that I'll need to set up a PayPal account to fund my sad addiction to paying for lap dances from girls with daddy issues who smell of coconut body oil), the fact that the place is dark is a good thing. I'm not saying that I'm ashamed of going or anything like that, but do I really need to pay for a lap-dance in the bright sun?

Sapphire is actually a pretty impressive operation, as far as "Gentlemen's Clubs" go. I went for a bachelor party, and between the odd conversations I got with the dancers about politics and the fact that I one of them said I look like one her Rabbi (I'm assuming it's because she has a super broody/sexy/mysterious Rabbi, and not because I look like a middle aged religious leader... I hope), I was actually impressed, in both good and bad ways, by the sheer scale of their operation. And I can understand Sapphire's desire to get involved in the extremely profitable pool-party/ dayclub trend that's overtaken Vegas like a virus transmitted through ill-advised drunken hookups, but I question the type of clientele the place will attract.

Dudes go to the pool parties to meet ladies, pure and simple. They gather around a body of water and compete with other males by showing off their abs as they attempt to impress the females. It's kind of like a nature documentary, with big name DJs shipped in from Europe to provide the soundtrack instead of Morgan Freeman's voice over narration. But that leads me to the question... will women who are not paid to be there show up at a stripper pool?

Sapphire already has a history with the pool party scene... they partnered with The Rio a few years ago to open a Sapphire themed pool area at the resort which featured topless dancers from the club, but the place was closed down in 2009 when it failed to pass an "integrity check" by local police. Basically the place had become a cess-pool of prostitution and drug deals, which is not super surprising considering everything. The so-called "integrity-checks" were voluntarily conducted by Rio management, which probably felt jumpy about diving into the venture with a strip club, so The Sapphire-run pool will probably not face such problems (and by this they will probably not run "integrity-checks," though I'm sure the other issues that integrity checkers were checking for will certainly persist).

The whole idea just has a creepster vibe in my opinion, but then again, the owners of Sapphire Pool and Day Club might be totally okay with attracting creepsters to their establishment. And it's possible I'm completely wrong and the place will become the hottest and sexiest pool area in  the city.

Either way, I'll let everyone else enjoy their douche-tastic pool party scene and take my chances at The Golden Nuggets pool on Fremont Street in Downtown. They've got a waterslide that goes through a shark tank, after all.

Goin' Off The Rails On A Crazy Train: Los Angeles To Las Vegas Rail Line To Open In 2013?

Sometimes, dreams do come true.

There have been rumors of a train running from Los Angeles to Las Vegas for years now, and it seems like those rumors are finally coming true. While early concepts involved a sleek, futuristic high-speed Bullet Train that would smoothly whisk passengers on Mag-Lev tracks to Sin City in about two hours using anime-style technology (a rumor that became so popular that a local band named themselves after the concept), we unfortunately don't live in Japan (a country that exists in the future and present at the same time), so it sounds like we'll have to settle for a conventional train instead.

The Los Angeles Times reports that Las Vegas Railway Expresss Inc. has inked a deal with Union Pacific Railways to use tracks that were previously only used for freight to take excited passengers from Fullerton to Downtown Las Vegas on Thursday and Friday nights, with return trips on Sundays and Mondays.

The creators of The X-Train are making up for lack of sci-fi technology (and for the fact that you'll be forced to go to Fullerton, of all places) with what they promise will be a luxurious "party train" experience. Tickets will go for a relatively steep but not outrageous $99, which will reportedly include a meal and one free cocktail.  The X-Train will be up and running, if everything stays on track (pun fully intended) by late 2013.

The trip will takes less than five hours, and the fact that the train will have a bar running throughout the duration will certainly make the experience fly by faster than the usual drive on the 15, which is often gridlocked with bumper to bumper traffic (a situation that will only get worse as the number of cars that drive on the interstate is expected to more than double in less than a decade).

Amenities will include meals prepared fresh in an onboard kitchen, flat screen TVs at passenger tables, sports lounges for watching games, concierge desks for booking Cirque Du Soleil tickets and dinner reservations, and some sort of live performances (which will most likely just mean DJs spinning in some sort of moving lounge room, but might mean live bands performing in cramped quarters, like in that horrible Buick ad featuring the even more horrible band Neon Trees "rocking out" on a bus). Unsurprisingly, the train will also feature private cars that can be rented for bachelor/ bacehlorette parties, corporate meetings, or Eyes Wide Shut style rich person mask orgies.

I like the idea of hopping aboard a Las Vegas-bound train from LA (though it would be even better if the train actually departed from LA and not Fullerton) and not worrying about driving on what can be a stressful drive on a packed two-lane interstate (especially since I'm usually the one who ends up driving when I head to Vegas with friends... though sometimes people have to drive my car back on the Sunday morning after Saturday night antics, ya feel me bra?), though the potential for douche-tastic antics runs incredibly high.

There's no denying the fact that a thing called "The X-Train" that whisks people to Sin City and promises to be a party on rails will definitely attract an element of Ed Hardy bros with frosted tips (as a side-note... how are there people still wearing Ed Hardy? All evidence on OKCupid points to the fact that ladies would never sleep with a dude who wears that stuff, but I guess there are still enough girls out there for whom T-Shirts with bedazzled Japanese Tigers printed onto them isn't a deal-breaker), but maybe, just maybe, the creators of The X Train will take a hint from the fact that their train's destination is in the increasingly quirky Downtown neighborhood and include some more offbeat offerings that appeal to folks looking for something a little more outside the box(car).

Just think about it... the creators of this crazy train have the opportunity to bring Wes Anderson's obsessively art-directed train cars from The Darjeeling Limited to life (with a more Las Vegan than Indian twist, of course). Hire cool artists to paint and decorate the train, stock the bar with interesting Craft Brews and fresh Cocktail muddlings, hire some actually unpredictable live entertainment acts (which means bands better than the friggin' Neon Trees and DJs that spin something more interesting than Dubstep or Top 40), and bring experts onboard to chat with passengers about interesting (and sellable!) topics, like Wine and Food. If the train is seriously serving fresh meals made by in their kitchen, why not hire cool Chefs that can put together something that is locally sourced as they start to prepare it and becomes less so as the journey continues? All I'm saying is offer a little something extra for people who are not interested in the typical Las Vegas experience.

All of these ideas are probably fantasies, I know. The X-Train will probably be dominated by lowest common denominator programming, cheap mass-market booze options, and disappointing food which will please the less discerning percentage of the population who end up riding the train. And I'll swallow it without (too much) complaint (even as I try to plug my nose from the overwhelming stench of Axe Body Spray), because drinking on a train sure beats sitting in traffic for hours on a Friday night. Bring on The X-Train, in whatever form it ultimately takes!

Linq To Rock Hard

Blinking off the post-Obama celebration hangover (if you want to shout "Yes We Did!, that's fine, just try not to be too loud around me today), I was browsing the interwebz and noticed that a few more venues have been announced for the upcoming Linq Project in the middle of The Strip, which is basically a gaping construction sight next to an in-the-middle of renovation Imperial Palace at the moment.

The Tequila Ranch Western Bar, World of Coke Store (which already has a location under a giant Soda-Pop bottle at The Showcase Mall), and Ghiradelli Chocolate Company (a San Francisco landmark that Chocoholics will fiend for) are all going to occupy store-fronts in the entertainment district in the foot of a giant Ferris Wheel, but the most exciting addition is also a big surprise... The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Yes, there is already a massive Rock Hall in Cleveland, and no details have been released about the new one opening in Las Vegas. VegasChatter speculates that it will be some kind of off-shoot of the original version, which makes a lot of sense but also explains very little. What form of offshoot will it take? What will be included in this museum that's not included in the one in Ohio?

While it can be assumed that the new Rock and Roll Hall of Fame won't be a replacement for the original (because there won't be space to build anything nearly as large as the original and because nobody from Cleveland's Tourism Bureau seems to be in a panic about losing the one of the few reasons you'd ever want to go to Cleveland in the first place), the fact is that Las Vegas is a much more appropriate town for such a museum. Sure, the song Cleveland Rocks is totally a real song that actually exists, but the sentiment expressed in said tune is surely at least half-ironic (plus, it's association with ultra-square 90's sitcom The Drew Carey Show hasn't done much for its reputation). Either way, Las Vegas is a whole lot more rock n' roll than most cities that aren't Cleveland, what with its devotion to debauchery, open container laws, and the fact that its very nickname is Sin City.

So while it's too early to tell exactly what will be included in the Vegas Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, one can hope that it's as respectfully curated as the original one is in Cleveland (and that it's not just a kitschy Hard Rock Cafe, since the city already has not just one of those on The Strip but also features a Hard  Rock Hotel and Casino located just off Las Vegas Blvd.). Nobody has confirmed if any acts will be inducted into the hallowed ranks of rock history at the Vegas location in addition to the yearly, elaborate Cleveland ceremonies (which this past year notably featured an Axl-less Guns N' Roses, the exact inverse of the current Slash-less GNR currently in residency at The Hard  Rock Hotel and Casino... full circle! ) One thing that's nearly guaranteed is that the Rock Hall Vegas will include a live venue. Combined with the already announced Brooklyn Bowl, this will make The Linq a very rock-centric little slice of Las Vegas indeed, not something that was expected from Caesar's original plans that seemed to appeal more to middle class families than dangerous Rock Gods and their devoted fans. This means The Linq might actually be a very cool little area to see some great live music after strolling through a museum devoted to rock history. Granted, these venues will be side by side with some very un-rock n' roll chains (while The Yard House features an admirable devotion to Beer, it's hardly sinful Rock Bacchanal and more like The Cheesecake Factory with a big Suds list). So serious celebrations of Rock N' Roll rebellion will rub shoulders with happy families and yuppie tourists. It's a contradiction that's just oh-so-Vegas.

Bad Vibrations: Why Surf the Musical Wiped Out

Surf the Musical was an ambitious gamble, even in a city known for big bets. And it looks like the show's producers have crapped out after just six weeks.

The $10 million jukebox musical featuring the classic music of The Beach Boys told a nostalgic tale of love set in the So-Cal surf culture of the 1960's. Featuring cutting edge video technology, live musicians, and proven talent (including the director of the original production of the smash hit jukebox musical Rock of Ages, which inspired the awesomely bad Tom Cruise flop this summer) and Adrien Zmed (whose screen credits include Grease 2 and TJ Hooker, which put him far from the A-List but proves he knows what the eff he's doing). The real gamble was the fact that the producers spent so much money on a totally original production instead of opening an already proven hit in Vegas.

I can't stress enough what kind of brass balls it took to do this. Nobody opens original productions in Las Vegas. Just look at the shows playing there now... there are something like 72 Cirque Du Soleil shows (and a few Cirque ripoffs), Phantom of the Opera, Blue Man Group, and the somehow still extremely popular Jersey Boys. (I'm not trying to criticize the show when I saw somehow extremely popular... I'm just shocked that a show about pre-rock and roll 50's pop singers has resonated so deeply with audiences, many of them young people, for so long. But those Four Seasons songs are ridiculously catchy.) The common thread among all of these shows is that they were all established smash hits long before they opened in Las Vegas; every last one of them was a relatively safe bet with a built in fan base ensuring they'd have audiences waiting for them when they opened.

Even established smash hits sometimes don't catch on in Sin City for whatever reason, as shows that are still running in other cities like Avenue Q, Monty Python's Spamalot, and the awesomely cracked out We Will Rock You (where the music of Queen frees the minds of masses the masses from a corporately controlled dystopian future) all had relatively short runs on The Strip.


The only original production I can think of off the top of my head (because I'm too lazy to do real research on this, basically) that came out of Las Vegas was Mike Tyson's Spike Lee directed one man show, Undisputed Truth, which did well enough to earn a limited Broadway run. (Note: some of you will try to trump me and point out that most of the Vegas Cirque shows originated there, as did variety spectacles like the long running Jubilee! at Bally's, tribute acts to The Rat Pack and Elvis, and the many adult shows on The Strip, including the one with boobs and vampires. To which I respond: you know I'm not talking about variety shows, tribute acts, adult revues, or artsy fartsy French-Canadian acrobatic spectacles, so don't be a smart-ass.) But that show starred a pop culture icon with deep roots in Sin City telling a crazy tabloid tale. Also, a one man show is a helluva lot easier (and cheaper) to stage than a full scale musical.

One could argue that the music of The Beach Boys would have been enough to draw in audiences, and while they're one of the most popular bands of all time, currently wrapping up a hugely successful reunion tour, and more influential than ever (with bands as diverse as Best Coast and Animal Collective clearly influenced by their classic sound), even splashing their name across all of the show's advertising wasn't enough to turn Surf the Musical into a hit. Show goers in Vegas are almost entirely made up of older tourists looking for a sure thing when they're spending over $100 a ticket. When it comes down to a choice between Jersey Boys, a name-brand jukebox musical with tons of great word of mouth and Tony wins under its belt, why would anyone choose the new upstart instead, even if you prefer The Beach Boys to Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons. Another issue was that The Beach Boys never officially endorsed the show. A lavish premiere where Brian Wilson walking the red carpet and looking confused with the rest of the band in tow would have been a great promotional opportunity. But the problems go deeper: the producers needed more than cover versions of decades old Beach Boys tunes and the second lead from TJ Hooker to sell their ambitious show to the masses. (TJ Hooker's third lead, Heather Locklear, might have helped, come to think of it.)

I didn't get to check out Surf the Musical, so all of this is conjecture on my part. Perhaps the show was  a magnificent Broadway style production that used classic Beach Boy tunes in exciting new contexts. But based on the many reviews I've read, I highly doubt that. The storyline was pure 60's surf movie simplicity about a guy losing a girl and working to get her back from the arrogant bad guy. When was the last time an earnest surf movie was a hit?

Reports for the show's attendance were extremely bleak. No performance sold more than 200 seats in Planet Hollywood's 1,500 seat Peepshow theater, while one night was attended by an abysmal 50 people. The show began running previews on June 29 and opened officially on July 17. The last performance will be on Wednesday, August 15. That's about six weeks of shows and millions of dollars lost. All of which is very dispiriting, because I love the idea of producers originating a new show in Las Vegas, even though it seems counter intuitive. I respect the moxy of the producers for betting so big, but their bet was fundamentally flawed, like a Blackjack player hitting on 19. No wonder they went bust.

So what could they have done to succeed with an original show in Las Vegas? I (of course, y'all know I gots to get in there) have a few (fully unsolicited) ideas that might be prove helpful to the next brass-balled producer who attempts such a feat.

Make it Vegas-centric
People come to Las Vegas for a Las Vegas experience. For a show to succeed, set it in Sin City and make it about something quintessentially Las Vegan. Play up the spectacle, the excess, the sin, and the city's rich showbiz and mob related history. The Beach Boys could be the basis for a great show, but the whole production seemed so So-Cal centric. Why not make it about 60's Vegas and set it to the beat of Rat Pack classics? Or just call Marty Scorsese and ask him if the rights to Casino: The Musical are available. (The last part is mostly a joke, but how amazing would that be, really?)


Base it Around Something Currently Popular

Not to say that The Beach Boys aren't one of the most popular bands of all time, but they're not exactly hip with the kids. While the sweet spot for selling show tickets in Las Vegas is probably middle aged to the genuinely elderly (because young people generally go to Vegas to party, not listen to show tunes) it would perhaps be wise to base a show around a more relevant act. Garth Brooks has been selling out his intimate shows at The Wynn (even though the lowest ticket prices are nearly $300), so why not base a show around his stuff or other country hits? (Has there ever been a country music jukebox musical? I cop to being one of those music snobs who says he listens to "everything but country," but I'd be more than happy to familiarize myself with the genre if I could make millions of dollars putting one together. Just say the word, producers.)

Feature a Genuine Star
Not to besmirch a showbiz survivor like Mr. Zmed, but he's not the kind of name who will draw in the big crowds looking for something fun to do on their vacation (though I'm sure there is a large contingent of TJ Hooker fanatics out there, posting on message boards and kicking themselves for missing out on the very brief run of Surf the Musical). Vegas shows have to draw the attention of people from all over the world, so you've gotta a pander a bit. And there's no better way to pander than to bring in a really big star. Celine Dion nearly sold out every performance she gave at Caesars Palace for five years and was so successful that they brought her back for another residency. The same thing happened with Elton John, and as mentioned above, Garth Brooks has been knocking it out of the park at The Wynn. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, Cee-Lo, and Shania Twain will all launch residency shows in the near future. Why not get a big star to headline an original production? Recruit Prince for a live action Purple Rain! Cast David Bowie and some puppets in a full scale Labyrinth musical! The possibilities are endless.

Or they could just call it a day and pay Zach Galifianakis a gold yacht filled with money to star in The Hangover: The Musical.